On the Last Day of Asexual Awareness Week

Today marks the final day of the first ever Asexual Awareness Week.  I would like to leave those that have kept up with the blog a few final observations:

• There are few (if any) out-asexual characters in popular media

• Only two states recognize asexuality as a protected class (meaning they are protected under anti-discrimination laws): Vermont and New York

• Asexuals still feel an enormous amount of pressure to perform sexually for their partners, either out of obligation or to prove to themselves that they are "normal", suggesting that the only valid intimate relationship is a sexual one

• The majority of people still see asexuality as a disorder and use the argument of what is natural/biological and what is not

• Our culture equates sex with happiness and no sex with gloominess, misery, and dysfunction

As I hope to have shown through my posts, asexuality is not a disorder but simply another sexual orientation and therefore another state of being.  There is nothing wrong with you if you identify as asexual.

The goal of asexuals (particularly the AVENites) is visibility and education.  Asexuals simply want to be included in the dialogue and accepted as they are.  If you wish to help, here are a few things that you can do:

• Help open up the dialogue around asexuality.  Talk with your friends, loved one, and campus groups about the lack of resources for students that might identify as asexual.

• Educate people about the difficulties and issues faced by asexuals

• If you hear someone use the term "asexual" in a detrimental way, call them out.  Chances are they just don't realize how damaging misuse of the term can be to the asexual community

• If someone you know is asexual, be open and understanding.  Let them know about this blog and some of the resources under "Useful Links"

Perhaps the most important thing to take from asexual awareness week is that even though sexual orientation is not a choice, sex is.  Nobody should ever feel pressured or obligated to engage in sexual activity if they do not want to.  I find it incredibly disturbing to read about asexuals that feel they have to satisfy their partner(s) sexually because it is "right" or "normal" to do.  There are some asexuals out there that do find pleasure in pleasing their partner(s), but not all asexuals do.  Sex should always be a choice, not an obligation.

I probably will no longer regularly update the blog, but I will post if/when I find more materials on asexuality that I feel are important.  While this blog might not be far reaching, if I have reached just one identifying-asexual and made them feel less alone, I feel that I have succeeded.

Thank you so much for your interest and time.

A Feminist Approach to Asexuality

In the Fall 2010 issue of Feminist Studies, there was an article on asexuality that was written by Karli June Cerankowski and Megan Milks.  It was entitled New Orientations: Asexuality and Its Implications for Theory and Practice.  The article was a call for a new academic approach to asexuality, one that overlapped with women and genders studies.  Despite it being a relatively short article, I feel it is one of the most important ones out there.  Cerankowski and Milks have pointed out the connections of asexuality to gender and sexuality theories, thereby creating a dialogue of asexuality as identity rather than as a disorder or abnormality.

The article looks at the online community of asexuality, which has been steadily growing since 2001 and has grown into a worldwide movement.  Asexuality is steadily gaining the visibility that asexuals desire.  There is currently a documentary in the making called Asexuality: The Making of a Movement, by Angela Tucker.  In 2009, for the first time ever, asexuals from AVEN marched in the San Francisco Pride parade.  They received support and acceptance from the watching crowd.  Indeed, the most support asexuals receive is from the LGBTQ community, further evidence of intersecting dialogues of sexuality and sexual identity.

Milk and Cerankowski are interested in tracking how asexuality intersects with discussions of feminism and gender.  They mention the diversity of asexuality and what constitutes it.  For example, someone who does not engage in sex but does not identify as asexual is generally not considered asexual.  Perhaps the most interesting part of this particular article is their discussion of its relevance to the pro-sex/anti-porn sex wars of the 1980s.  Using critiques from these two very different arguments, they theorize that asexuals can create a new discussion about how to avoid sexual hierarchies and also caution us about using terms such as "dysfunctional" and "repressed" especially in connection with one's sexual identity.

Perhaps another important discussion is whether or not asexuality can be considered inherently queer.  There is a worry that this makes the notion of queer much too general: defining it as simply "outside the norm".  However, there are some asexuals that do identify as queer and the parallels between the treatment of both groups is undeniable.  Asexual people are often told that they have not fully developed their sexual identity, not experienced their sexuality, or are hiding from it and then interrogated about past trauma or abuse.  Asexuality has been viewed solely as a disorder and still considered a disorder.  When brought up, it is often used to describe something negative (like the classroom experience I mentioned in the second post).  When looking at these similarities, it is no wonder that the asexual community has found such an ally in the LGBTQ community.

Cerankowski and Milks end on a positive note.  Both are working to expand the dialogue around asexuality and asexual issues.  Together, they are hoping to edit a volume of various studies and theoretical perspectives on asexuality.  This article is an important one for expanding the current dialogue on asexuality as a political movement and I highly recommend looking it up.

Tomorrow is the final day of the first every Asexual Awareness Week.  Overall, I am pleased with how this blog/site has been received and I hope it is just the first step in creating an awareness of asexuality within Beloit College.

Asexuality as Resistance

I should start my review of Ela Przybylo's Crisis and Safety: The Asexual in Sexusociety by confessing that a lot of the terminology used went over my head.  That being said, I believe this article (though flawed in some ways) makes a couple good and important points about the asexual identity.

Crisis and Safety appeared in the August 2011 issue of the Sage Publications Sexualities.  Przybylo's aim was to examine the asexual community through a postmodern and feminist lens.  She begins with a discussion of how asexuality is shown on daytime television shows.  This leads into a discussion of how sexual identity tends to be defined by the same essentialist model, where certain behaviors become "naturalized".  Przybylo approaches asexuality as a cultural construction but one with transgressive possibilities.

One observation that Przybylo makes is how the sexual world for asexuals is akin to the patriarchy for feminists and heteronormativity is to the LGBTQ community.  Asexuals are put in the category of "abnormal" and representations of asexual individuals, the few there are, are often portrayed as melancholy, lonely, sad, and just waiting for that "right" person to cure them of their ennui.  The importance our society places on sexuality is stifling to asexual individuals, who are constantly being told that they are lonely.  If they protest, they are seen as somehow putting on a show or lacking sincerity.

The idea of natural vs. unnatural cannot be reiterated enough, as it creates a very narrow vision of the world.  In her article, Przybylo points out both the subtle and not so subtle ways "normal" behavior is rewarded in society, usually with a privileged status.  Przybylo often refers to the theories of Foucault, particularly his views on the construction of power.  In Foucault's theory, power is everywhere and comes from everywhere.

Przybylo places a lot of emphasis on repetition and while she sometimes gets bogged down in postmodern language, the point is not completely lost.  She quotes Gayle Rubin's idea of the "hierarchical system of sexual value".  The importance our society places on sex is nothing short of complex and the pressure on asexuals to "blend in" with normal society cannot be overstated.  The pressure is not only on having sex, but the act itself must be incredibly enjoyable and must result in orgasm.

A side note that I feel important to state is Przybylo's observation that the DSM is a cultural product.  It should not be completely dismissed, but it should be remembered that as a product of a flawed culture, it is flawed as well.

One point that I do not entirely agree with is Przybylo's argument about the tool of confession, wherein individuals "confess" to others (family, friends, psychiatrists, etc.) in order to judge how closely our actions are to those of the "norm", thereby serving as a kind of correction.  Surely an individual can assert individuality without necessarily trying to fit into a society norm.  However, her next point I do agree with.  The person being confessed to acts as a kind of judge, trying to assert just how "true" this individual's desires are.  David Jay, the founder of AVEN, is often interviewed on TV and is almost always tested in some way to see just how genuine he is.  Przybylo points this out as the sexusociety attempting to correct what it sees as an incorrect repetition.

It is towards the end of the article that I believe Przybylo's argument is strongest and subsequently, most interesting.  She has an interesting theory that asexuality may be stigmatized and ignored because it shows the flaws in sexusociety.  Our media and popular culture has become so oversaturated with sexualized images that we may not have a clear idea of what sex is anymore.  Przybylo cites Baudrillard when she states that "it is the oversaturation of sexuality that is indicative, in part, of its absence" (451).

Asexuality could be threatening to sexuality because it calls for a better definition of it.  It encourages a reattachment to sexuality.  It can be viewed as a challenge to redefine the borders of sexuality and reinvigorate a genuine sense of self and sex.

The final point that Przybylo makes that I feel is important to take away is the need to do away with the reactive definition of asexuality.  Instead of focusing on what they lack, asexuals should focus on the new discourses they can bring to our understanding of what constitutes sexuality.  The community can show that living differently is possible.  Asexuals have already begun to create their own language with romantic orientations, which is a powerful statement.

Przybylo's article is another one that is worth looking up.  It demonstrates that an identity cannot be defined by what it lacks, but rather what it offers.

Tomorrow, I will review an article that offers a feminist point of view on asexuality.

Asexuality as an Identity

In the October 2008 issue of Sexualities, a fascinating article by Kristin S. Scherrer appeared entitled Coming to an Asexual Identity: Negotiating Identity, Negotiating Desire.  In it, Scherrer explored the many dimensions of the asexual identity based on a survey she conducted online.  Through this, she revealed many of the complexities of the asexual identity and also some of the flaws of previous research.

One of the main flaws that is approached right away is that researchers have been focusing almost solely on categorizing asexuality as either a behavior (lack of sex) or a desire (lack of wanting sex).  Through this, asexuality is labeled and seen as a bodily dysfunction that requires medical intervention or as a psychological disorder that requires therapy to remedy.  Most of the early writings on asexuality view it as being negative.  Scherrer advocates steering away from this method and instead focus on asexuality as an identity.  If asexuality is viewed as a legitimate identity, it may motivate social and political action similar to other marginalized identities.

Scherrer's article has some interesting insights, though it is by no means exhaustive.  I recommend looking it up if you are interested in the asexual identity and it is certainly a good place to start.  Scherrer lays out the different aspects of identity, how people engage in it, and how asexuals define it.  A wide spectrum of asexuals responded to the survey, giving an interesting mix of romantic and aromantic individuals.  She also touched on the important topic of what constitutes sexual behavior from the asexual standpoint.  For example, there are some asexuals that engage in masturbation while others view this as a sexual behavior and therefore have no desire to partake in it.

Another important point made in this article is the relationship of asexuality to essentialist notions, which, no surprise, is incredibly complicated.  The essentialist argument relies heavily on the notions of "natural" and "unnatural".  This can be a double-edged sword.  Asexuality lacks legitimization and acceptance from most of society because human beings are "naturally" sexual beings.  Just like the LGBTQ community was once viewed as "unnatural", the asexual community is facing a similar uphill battle.  However, LGBTQ used the essentialist argument to gain legitimacy when they argued that their sexual identities were "natural" (i.e. sexual desire is not a choice).  Asexuals could use a similar argument and many do focus on how their asexuality is just a natural part of who they are.

The use of language plays a big part of the asexual identity and many asexuals struggle with finding an appropriate language.  This identity is different in that it kind of revolves around a lack of sexuality.  The internet has been a great help to the asexual community and many individuals have found acceptance and been able to accept their asexuality through the help of such online communities as AVEN.

Perhaps the most interesting finding/observation in Scherrer's article is the high occurrence of bisexuality in the asexual community, which could be the result of gender not being particularly important within the asexual community.  Scherrer's survey found a high percentage of bisexuality, higher than even found in surveys conducted in the gay and lesbian community.  Scherrer believes this provides an insight into the construction of the asexual identity.

It is interesting that when you remove sexual attraction, it removes the need to use gender as a definition in a relationship.  In sexual relationships, the aspect of gender tends to be central.  In asexuality, it appears to not be quite as important.  However, more research will have to be done in order to make any definitive statements.

Perhaps Scherrer's most important conclusion is how the lack of visibility and awareness is preventing its inclusion in legitimate sexual orientations and thereby acting as a barrier to political action.

Scherrer's findings and observation are fascinating and like I mentioned earlier, I recommend looking it up if you are interested in the asexual identity.

Symbols and How You Can Help

I decided to start reviewing articles tomorrow as I have received a few inquiries about things the community can do to help raise awareness of asexuality and the asexual community.  I am still brainstorming on this issue myself, so this post may be a little shorter than the others.

First and foremost, asexual awareness is all about visibility.  Being a relatively new community, asexuals rely heavily on word of mouth.  Telling your friends about this blog would be of great help.  If you would like to go the extra mile and put up a few fliers around campus, I would be more than happy to email you the fliers that I created.

There are also some other symbols associated with asexuality, which you can use to show your support for the asexual community.

Asexual Triangle

David Jay, founder of AVEN, used this symbol when he was starting the asexual forum.  It is based on the Gay Pride pink triangle.  The top line represents the Kinsey scale and the third point represents how strongly one is sexually attracted to people.  The gradient (and the triangle) represents the fading between sexual and asexual.  It is not the most popular symbol and is more used as a metaphor nowadays.

Asexual Flag

The asexual flag was adopted in August 2010 and has since been used in a number of areas and events such as Pride parades to help bring greater visibility to the asexual community.  The black stripe is representative of asexuality, the gray stripe is for gray and demi-sexuals, the white is representative of sexuality, and the purple stripe is representative of community.

Cake

This symbolizes the notion of "cake is better than sex" and also the general feel-good and welcoming notion that is attached to cake.

The Ace

 

The asexual community frequently use the Ace of Hearts and Ace of Spades (playing cards), a play on words ("Ace" is frequently used as shorthand for asexual).  There is no preference for one or the other, but unofficially, the Ace of Hearts can represent asexuals with a romantic orientation and the Ace of Spades can represent asexuals that identify as aromantic.

Some Common Terms

Asexuality is a complex sexual orientation and there is no one kind of asexuality.  Many asexuals identify by a romantic orientation.  A romantic orientation in the asexual community refers to who one is attracted to.  For an asexual, romance refers to intimacy without sex.  Some asexuals enjoy tactile nearness such as cuddling, hugging, or the like, while other asexuals prefer just to engage in purely intellectual relationships, such as deep conversations or working towards a common goal.  There are a few different kinds of romantic orientation, which I will briefly cover.  Note- these terms can apply to other sexual orientations as well.  I am only describing how they apply to the asexual orientation.  Individuals in these categories desire an intimacy with their partners that just is not sexual.

Aromantic: An aromantic asexual is a person that experiences no romantic attraction to others.  Romantic asexuals tend to experience an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship whereas an aromantic individual is often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships.

Aromantic individuals are not cold or antisocial.  They simply do not experience the need for any kind of romantic attachment.  They have just as much need for support as others, but they can be satisfied with purely platonic relationships.  Interestingly, people anywhere on the sexual spectrum can be aromantic.

Biromantic: An asexual individual that is romantically attracted to members of both sexes or genders.  Like the other romantic orientations, biromantic individuals desire romantic relationships for a variety of reasons but they are not sexually attracted to their partners.

Demiromantic: Demiromantics are similar to gray-romantics.  They only experience romantic attraction after an emotional bond has already been established.  They do not experience primary romantic attraction (for example, "love at first sight"), but they do experience secondary romantic attraction.

Gray-Romantics: Gray-romantics are people that are somewhere between aromantics and romantic in regards to romantic orientations.  They may experience romantic attraction, but not regularly.  They could experience romantic attraction, but not desire romantic relationships.  They may desire a relationship that is somewhere in between platonic and romantic, not quite one or the other.  Demiromantics are often considered a kind of Gray-Romantic.

Heteroromantic: A heteroromantic is an individual that is romantically attracted to individuals of the opposite gender or sex.

Homoromantic: A homoromantic is an individual that is romantically attracted to individuals of the same gender or sex.

Panromantic: A panromantic is an individual that is romantically attracted to others but is not limited by sex or gender.  They are attracted to individuals of both genders and also transgender individuals and third gendered individuals.  Unlike biromantics, panromantics tend to view gender as not really defining their relationship.  Biromantics will often also be panromantic, but panromantic is much less known than the other romantic orientations.

Different Kinds of Attraction

Asexuals experience different kinds of attraction and in different degrees. Many asexuals define themselves based on their romantic orientation.  Romantic attraction and relationships are quite hard to define.  They usually fall into two categories: partner-based or community-based.  Partner-based is a monogamous pairing.  People that depend on community-based intimacy do not need to pair off as a couple, but this doesn't mean they are incapable of forming strong emotional bonds with others.

Sensual: Sensual attraction refers to the need some asexuals have for tactile sensuality.  They do not experience sexual desire, but often desire other forms of physical intimacy such as cuddling.

Aesthetic: Some asexuals experience what is described as an aesthetic attraction.  An aesthetic attraction is not connected to a desire to do anything with the person, either sexually or romantically.  They just appreciate their appearance.  Some label aesthetic attraction as a subset of a sensual attraction due to the attraction having to do with the senses (i.e. sight and sometimes hearing).

Like sexuals, asexuals experience crushes.  A crush typically describes a temporary romantic attraction, usually never to be acted upon.  In the asexual-aromantic community, individuals experience what has been affectionately labeled a squish, which describes the desire for a platonic relationship with someone.

*

Tomorrow, I will likely review one of the few articles that has been written on asexuality.  While there aren't very many, a few have been written that offer some interesting perspectives.

Why Asexual Awareness?

I never really appreciated the need for asexual awareness, until I heard the term used negatively in one of my classes.  A fellow student used the term "asexual" to describe a group of people that is often portrayed as sexless and thereby equated asexuality with something negative and even harmful.

You might be wondering why there needs to be an asexual awareness week.  It might seem like a trivial issue.  That is, until you realize how the lack of visibility effects individuals that identify as asexual.

For one thing, asexuality is still seen as a disorder, both officially and unofficially.  The DSM still views asexuals as suffering from "Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder".  It was not that long ago that homosexuality was viewed as a disorder and transgendered individuals are still fighting to remove "Gender Identity Disorder" from the DSM.  In her article, Coming to an Asexual Identity: Negotiating Identity, Negotiating Desire, Kristin S. Scherrer identifies the shared experience of asexuals and the LGBTQ community in regards to historical and contemporary medical views of their communities.  Asexuals have never experienced the kind of legislative difficulty that the LGBTQ community has, but they also lack the visibility and subsequent acknowledgment.

Asexuals are an invisible sexual orientation.  Living in a sexual society, they are often confronted with being the constant outsider.  Most people in our society cannot understand how one can be in a "sexless" relationship, which frequently leads to asexuals feeling an enormous amount of pressure to be sexual to please their partner.  People that identify as asexual often risk feeling as though they are broken or that there is something wrong with them.  They may enter into a sexual relationship just to prove that they are normal.

Asexuals are frequently met with a number of misunderstandings.  They are viewed a cold and aloof.  Many are dismissed with "S/He just hasn't met the right person yet."  Asexual women are often labeled as "frigid" or "cockteases", asexual men are often viewed as somehow abnormal.  People equate a lack of desire for sex with an inability to love.  Asexuals are often defined solely by what they lack and not what they can offer.  Scherrer observes that asexuals offer a new discourse on sexuality, a valuable perspective in defining what constitutes "sexual behavior".

Asexual awareness is being held to let people know that it is okay to be asexual and they are not alone.  There are a number of asexual individuals out there that are happy, well-adjusted individuals who lead normal lives.  There is a community out there that most people just might not know about.  It is also meant to promote a greater understanding of asexuals and asexuality.  The asexual community is hoping to clear up some misunderstandings in regard to asexuality.

Asexuality is not a choice.  It is not celibacy or abstinence.  People are born asexual.

Asexuals are not afraid or disgusted by sex or those that engage in sex.  They simply do not experience a sexual desire/drive.

Asexuals are able to experience and express passion just as deeply and profoundly as sexuals.

Asexuals are just as capable of love as sexuals and require as much understanding and empathy as sexuals.  There are some asexuals that marry and even start families.

Asexuality is not caused by any disorder, past trauma, or repressed sexuality.  There is nothing wrong with an individual that identifies as asexual.

*

I have created a page of links that I have used for researching this site, which provide links to other pages that people (both asexuals and sexuals) may find helpful.

Tomorrow, I will post a glossary of terms common to the asexual community.

First Post

My Women's Studies class has a volunteer requirement in which we have to complete a project outside the classroom that benefits women.  Since coming to Beloit, I have found a complete absence of support for asexuals.  There is a GLBTQ community, but no acknowledgment of the asexual orientation.  For my project, I decided to try to remedy this by creating a blog for students that may be asexual or people interested in asexuality.  I will be posting once a day through the first ever asexual awareness week (October 23rd-29th).  I will explain some of the terms related to asexuality, issues faced by asexual individuals, and review a few of the articles that have been written about asexuality.